Sunrise Meditation

Yea... I did it! I just completed my 21-Day (6:30AM) Meditation Training along Lake Michigan. Every other day was at the center, but this morning was special, and we met outside at Fullerton & Lakeshore.

I don't even know where to begin trying to explain the experience. We started on Labor Day after I had just gotten back in town: Some mornings the 6:10AM alarm didn't bother me at all. Other days I was so annoyed and just wanted to turn it off and go back to sleep. However, even if I was late, my goal was to complete the 21 days. My teacher, Master Joyce, says your brain does not remember the small details (ie being late) but rather the accomplishment of the goal. I think that's important for everyone to acknowledge and remember.

Do I feel different now? Yes and no. It has been difficult, and I know it will continue to be difficult, pursuing a scholastic and spiritual path simultaneously. I am definitely excited to not have such a strict wake time for this spiritual path. (The finish line is what got me out of bed the past few day.) I also know that I am going to need to push myself more in that area. In regards to energy, I felt a lot during the training, and I am also feeling more flexible, especially in my hips.

In general, I feel as though I have begun to learn and reflect on myself a lot, which has been both interesting and difficult. I felt a lot of anger, hostility and resentment during the training, which I acknowledged in daily life too. I think most would agree that, generally speaking, those adjectives do not describe my demeanor. So I guess I buried these feelings inside, trying not to express them. For that reason I continue to feel some pain/blockage in my chest.

I felt/received a number of messages throughout the training, but they weren't always consistent: "Be patient." "Be grateful for time." "Don't rush things." "Take action." "Don't put things off." "Be sincere." "Don't wait for others." "Never sell yourself short." "Do things for myself." "Listen." "Be confident." "Share." "Accept." "Having something does not identify you." "Don't compare." "Don't give up." "Let it go." "Release tension." "Dance!"

Recently another one of the Masters told me that I need to be like water for others. "When they need snow, be snow. When they need rain, be rain." I've meditated on this a bit but still don't feel clear on that.

One day I asked myself what I am afraid of. I quite a bit in the 15 mins of bow training that specific day: making mistakes, letting people down, not living up to expectations (of myself and of others), early death, insecurity, not being in control, regret or resentment, making bad impressions, hurting people, not following through.

As you can probably tell, a lot of my fears have to do with others, which probably should not be so important.

What are some things I want to/can change about myself?

I want to eliminate doubt and reduce judgment, break bad habits, reduce the high expectations/standards I place on myself or rather accept that I will not achieve all of them.

What do I want to do?

I want to focus my energy better and stay connected to what is important: health, happiness & peace, helping others, healing, love, forgiveness, do my best, focus!

Life is definitely a journey.

Back in action

It's been a couple of weeks+ since my last post, but I have a good excuse. I was studying hard so I'd do well on my final exams. I have not received all of my final grades, but I felt really good about them. I don't know if it's yoga, planning ahead or both, but I was pretty calm for my finals time. There were a few times I got a little anxious, but I generally felt good going into each one. Now, I have exactly one month and one day to do anything I want. :)

What am I going to do you might ask? In general, I am going to cook more, exercise more, spend more time with my friends, read for pleasure, make my apt feel more like home... I have a lot of things that I want to do. Specifically, I will be leaving for New York City on Friday the 14th at about 5AM. I am driving with my fellow YEHA friends to attend the Brain Art Festival at Radio City Music Hall. Check it out (www.brainartfestival.com)! From there I am going to Ellenville, NY for a training/certification. When I am done I will be a certified brain management consultant. More to come on that, but essentially I will help train people to better use the right side of their brain.

My birthday's at the end of the month, and there's Labor Day weekend! It's been great to sit around and watch a little tv, relax. :) I'm off and going tomorrow though.

Concluding My Last Post

I feel somewhat bad, but having my computer in class makes it so much more manageable. So on Saturday Monica and I slept in a bit. Then, we made plans to get sushi at Toro Sushi in Lincoln Park. One of my classmates had told me that it's amazing sushi, and he was right. We ordered three special rolls. (I wish they had an online menu, so I could be reminded of what all was in them.) I remember that one of them was named "Oh My God," and boy was it good. As we were talking to sushi I realized that we were really close to Molly's Cupcakes, so we went there afterwards. We split 2 of the most popular ones: The Ron Bennington, which was essentially chocolate with peanut butter in the middle and Cookie Monster, which had cookie dough in the middle. We hung out there for a little while, but it was so busy/loud. Monica was a trooper and went with e to Starbucks so I could study. The best part of the night, however, was the concert. With Darius Rucker and Vince Gill, the best part did not start until about 9:15. We were a little cool until then: we sang and danced the entire time, never sitting down again. Rascal Flatts played most of their hits, and I think it was my favorite concert! Monica and I determined that it must have been new, but there was this really "lovey dovey" couple in front of us that me want to be in a relationship. They were pretty cute. It's been awhile.

We were planning to hang out in Wrigley after the concert, but it did not pan out. Instead, we grabbed some Late Night Thai for a late dinner. I was sad when I had to take her to the train Sunday morning. While I love my program, my classmates, my teachers, etc., as I studied that day, I was reminded that this is the "real deal." The intensity of my program is going to increase A LOT come September, and weekends primarily filled with fun will most likely be few and far between. To try and stay social I had dinner with the girls (Emily, Grace, Charlie and Jess) last night. I had not seen them in awhile, and it just so happens that we were all free that night.

Summer Nights

Let's see how fast I can write about my past week+.

Last Saturday late morning/early afternoon I drove to Dekalb for the Inipi (sweat lodge). (I can't believe I haven't written about this experience yet. I should have written when it was fresh, but it was hard to do much that night. I got home, received a massage from my Mom and crashed.) First and foremost, it was not as bad as I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong: It got REALLY hot in there. I was dripping sweat, but I never felt like I couldn't endure the heat. After I entered the inipi, the first seven rocks were blessed and placed in the center. As soon as the "door" closed, I was reminded of how much I struggle with not knowing what is going to happen next. I was freaking out a bit as the veterans sang some tribal songs. Before I knew it, the door was opened again, and I felt so grateful for the cool breeze and the sunshine. (I take those for granted a lot.) I can't tell you how grateful I was for the ladle of water I received a few times. There were moments when my lungs were burning, and it was hard to breath, but it was nothing that I could not bare. I made the choice to participate in this ceremony. Some don't have the option of being in such a small space. There was a point when the leader made a comment that we should "let any pains, burdens, fear, etc. go to our ancestors (represented by the rocks). This reminded me that it's important to ask for help. I know that I'm forgetting a lot more. :( Overall I must say that I was really proud of myself for going, and I would do it again. I almost decided not to go, but I did. I was the only one of my classmates there. The other three were/are in their final year.

On Sunday I visited with my Grandma & Papa and then went over to my Grandma Elaine's for a double birthday celebration. I felt like my family was really negative that day, and it was a little hard to be there. Totally switching gears... My teacher hypnotized me in Tai Ji class on Tuesday. Someone attempted to hypnotize me before, but I wasn't into it. I was a little nervous that it was not going to work again. I thought I was going to have to play along with what Tony said, but as soon as he told me that my arm was steel, I realized that I was relaxed enough to be hypnotized- so crazy. I also did the form in front of my classmates better than I'd ever done it before. My arms felt so light. I learned that the certification only takes about a week, and Tony uses it to help relax/calm patients who are worried about their treatment. Hmm... sounds interesting to me!

My Mom and Monica came into town late Thursday afternoon for the Billy Joel/Elton John concert. We went to Twist for some tapas before the show. (I forgot how much I love tapas style meals.) We shared quite a few: Jalapeno Gnocchi w red pepper sauce, Black Bean Cakes w avocado & spicy chipotle mayo, Grilled Vegetable and Goat Cheese on toasted bread, Bacon Wrapped Dates served in a roasted red pepper sauce and Stuffed Mushrooms with sauteed spinach, Monterey Jack cheese and tomato sauce. Towards the end of the meal, we thought we really had to get going, but the concert didn't end up starting until 7:30. The concert was nothing short of legendary. It lasted more than 3 hours, and for the most part, they played the Big songs. I was glad that Elton John started, and the concert finished with Billy Joel- grand finale, Piano Man. I don't think I could ever be as on top of the lyrics as my Mom. (It's pretty impressive.) Sadly, the group of people around us were kind of lame, but our seats were awesome! We were the first row, behind the brick of the 3rd base bullpen. All concert long, people in the field seating were pretending to throw pitches. Monica and I got so much entertainment out of that.

On Friday all 3 of us got acupuncture treatments and then went to the infamous Chicago Diner. Mom, Monica and I all wanted to order the same things, so we shared: HOT “WINGS”:

Seitan "wings" with our vegan ranch & celery sticks. BBQ or Buffalo Style, AVOCADO TOSTADA: High protein quinoa with grilled vegetables, avocado slices & chimichurri , a cilantro based Argentinean salsa and THE RADICAL REUBEN Sliced seitan, onions, peppers, sauerkraut, vegan Thousand Island Dressing & cheeze, on marbled rye. The bad thing for me when it comes to Mom and Monica, is they know my weaknesses, especially when it comes to sweets. Mom wanted to try once cake, and Monica and I wanted to try another, so we decided to try both: a special chocolate cake infused with some kind of pepper and a cinnamon frosting (It was pretty delicious.) Monica and I decided on a chocolate raspberry cake. Mom was anxious about traffic, so she headed out shortly after that. Monica and I hung low, went to see The Hangover and then rented He's Just Not that Into You. Gosh. I am such a hopeless romantic ;).

Blogging break. I'll finish the weekend later.

Whirlwind of a Week

I can't believe last Saturday was the 4th of July. I also can't believe that week 10, of my 14 week semester, flew by and ended yesterday. While I have a lot of work that I want to/need to get stared on, if I don't blog now, it will take me forever when I do, or a lot of the details will be left out.

After work last Friday night I went over to my friend Marissa's for a barbecue. Marissa and I went to Northwestern together, but she does not keep in touch with many Chicago NUs, so I didn't really know anyone there. However, I befriended a girl named Katie, and we bonded over the fact that neither of us works at Deloitte (where most of the attendees work). I decided to ride my bike to the bbq, and while everyone fussed about me going home "late at night," it really is liberating to speed past all of the cars while riding your bike on a cool, summer evening. :)

Saturday, the 4th of July, was spent with Dominique and Kesha and Kyana's family on the South side of the city. Good thing I started eating meet again recently, because they were serious meat eaters over there: hamburgers, hotdogs, chicken legs, duck and ribs. Even the potato salad had seafood in it. Dominique and I had talked about seeing the fireworks downtown, but friend of the family ended up being in town. Since I didn't know of anyone else going downtown to see the fireworks, and I didn't really feel like fighting the crowd, I decided to prepare or our party and just have a relaxed night to myself. I cleaned and organized my apartment as I baked some caramel corn. Sunday started with Zumba: always a delightful start to the day, followed by final party prep. (I baked a new recipe of 7 layer bars, and they were a hit!) While most of my friends were out of town for the 4th, I was able to have a good handful of friends stop by on Sunday.

All in all, the weekend was okay. After spending last year in Paris, and the year before in San Francisco, you can say that I might have had high expectations. I am lucky to have a good number of friends living in Chicago, but it seems that so many were out of town.

Monday began my crazy busy week. After all of the from the weekend, I decided that I really need to make working out and eating healthy/avoiding sweets a large priority. My goal was to make as many 6AM classes as possible at the gym. Also, when I started school, I told myself that I was going to focus on school, but somehow I have a lot of side babysitting jobs and take any opportunity I can to work. Here was the week:

Mon: Sculpting, week prep, Anatomy 10-12, Student Council Meeting 12-1, Biology 1-5, work 5-9:30, bed

Tues: 6AM Pilates, a little reading and studying, 10-12 Tai Ji, 1-4:30 h/c &hilight, 5-8:15 apt hunting w Emily and Karen- SUCCESS! (We will be living in Lincoln park in a couple of weeks. :) 8:30-11 Yoga training

Wed: slept in a little, 10-11:3yoga, studying 1-4 Anatomy, 4-6 Research, 6-9 Foundations of Chinese Medicine, CRASH- bedtime!

Thurs: 6:30 Spinning, 9-12 FCM, 12:15-3:30 babysitting, 3:45-4 presentation at PCOM, 4-7:15 unexpected work in the clinic for someone who was sick. Getting home by 8 was AMAZING!! Kesha was going to come over to finish my h/c, but I ended up going over there. Amber and I had the chance to walk for a bit first.
I always forget how much a haircut can make you feel different. I added some blonde back in and got some hilights and side bangs. I love it! I don't think it could have come at a better time. I was so tired and didn't feel like going all of the way home, so I crashed at Dominique's. She had to catch a flight this morning, so I headed out with her around 7. I went to the gym for a little and got ready for acupuncture and work. I officially signed my lease and headed over to babysit.

I definitely got a lot done this week, but it wasn't necessarily related to school. I didn't write this above, but I biked to and from my hair apt down on S. Halsted. (I think it was over 6 miles each way.) Tomorrow I am going to something called a sweat lodge with some of my classmates (in Dekalb). It sounds really interesting, and I like to force myself out of my comfort zone. Honestly, I am a little freaked out though. I will be going in this small, very hot lodge, in which I have only a very small amount of space for myself. It is is meant to be a humbling process in which each person pushes theirself and their boundaries to let go, not have judgments. I'll have more details after tomorrow.

Time to study!

For She's a Jolly Good Fellow!

For anyone who follows my blog, you will be pretty surprised to see that I am posting again toady. (It usually takes me about a week or more between posts.) However, today is my Grandma's 70th Birthday, and I want to say some nice things about her on here 1) because I know she will read it but will not receive anything in the mail today and 2) because everyone should now how amazing she is.

I was born into a pretty good situation: only child of my parents and the only grandchild to my Grandma and Papa. Needless to say... I was pretty spoiled. Yet, even after the birth of my sister, my Grandparents continued to dote on us. Spending Friday nights was a win-win for all parties involved: My parents went out, while my sister and I got to spend some quality time with Grandma and Papa. Those nights often consisted of movies such as Bedknobs and Broomsticks or going to minor league baseball games. Monica and I danced and cheered on the team, but most of all, I think we loved getting all of the "baseball food": hotdogs, Cracker Jack, peanuts in the shell.. We ate everything. Saturday mornings always consisted of a delicious breakfast made by Granny: eggs, baccon, sausage, frenchtoast, whatever we wanted as Monica and I watched our Saturday morning cartoons.

Additionally, we always loved shopping with Granny. She helped helped fill my Limited Too collection back in the day. (Even now, when I go home, she likes to help me out by paying for things here and there.) Grandma and Papa were like an extra set of parents when it came to the football and basketball games I cheered for. They were always there. That applies to any important event or Awards Ceremony. Now that my Mom's in school, I think I talk to my Grandma more than I talk to my own Mom. She has always been, and continues to be, a great source of love, support and confidence. I can't imagine how different my life would be without her in it.

I love you Granny. I hope you have a wonderful birthday, and I promise to be home soon! xoxo

Babysitter of the Week

I only babysat for an hour tonight because the Dad's flight landed early, but I babysat 7:15-12:15 last night and am babysitting 1-5 and 7-? tomorrow night. I can't complain. They are all pretty easy money, and I'm not missing out on an anything too exciting (as compared to weekend babysitting).

I finished an Anatomy midterm today, which had been looming over my head for awhile. I always have a hard time remembering what I did on the weekends. Oh yeah... Now I've got it. I went into work early and got out early on Friday so that I could go to the KC's Academy Spring Awards Ceremony. It was so nice to see all of the kids and their families, and it was really great to not have to try and keep everything in order but rather to be a spectator. A few of the kids had piano solos, which literally made my heart melt. I grabbed some coffee with Dominique and studied before meeting the newly engaged Cristy and David downtown for dinner at Cheesecake Factory.

I worked out on Saturday and then met up with Dominique to go to the Arabesque Festival downtown. I realized last weekend that I had not been taking advantage of Chicago summers, so I looked up what was going on last weekend. The best parts of the festival were the food: falafel pita and mango smoothie and listening to the music. I wanted to do some shopping but neither of us were to in the mood. Nothing much seemed to he happening that night, so I rented Revolutionary Road and just relaxed. I guess I didn't really know the plot of that movie. The acting was great, but the plot was pretty depressing. I just kind of sat there after the movie ended. 

Going to sleep early allowed me to wake up early on my own Sunday morning. For the first time ever I went to Zumba  class. For those of you who do not know, this is the course description: While you feel the flavor of Brazilian and Latin dance as you salsa, meringue and cha cha your way to fitness. The moves are easy and you will feel like you have been at a dance party. Oh my gosh... I loved it!! It wasn't even like a workout. It was because I got my heart rate up, but I loved it so much. I was actually sad the class ended. I wish the class was offered more often. After the gym I came home and got ready for the Pride Parade. (It was a Dominique weekend.) The two of us met on Broadway and watched the 3 hour parade!! We discovered a brick wall that some people were sitting on, and we got up there too. For getting there so late, we had a pretty fantastic view. Three hours definitely led to some discomfort though. After being in San Francisco a couple of summers ago, Chicago was pretty tame. Even the crowd seemed so quiet to me. No one was really singing, dancing or cheering. It kind of made me sad. 

After the parade I met met up with some of my classmates at Noble Tree Cafe to study Anatomy. It's a great place to study. I can't believe today is July 1st, and this weekend is the 4th of July! :) 

Bison Stew

I meant to post sometime on Sunday, but I didn't, and it's Thursday before I know it. After my post last Friday, I witnessed some of the craziest storms I had seen in a long time. Fortunately I missed the downpour, hard winds, hail, thunder and lightning while at work. Then, when I left around 5, the temperature shot up! (I don't think it's gone down much since.) My classmate/friend Megan had called me earlier to see if I could help her move. She said my help was still needed, so I went over there after work. Who have known that I pretty much helped move pillows?! haha I helped a little with one couch, cut they had pretty much finished everything. I hung out over there for awhile and was pretty tired by the time 10/11 hit. 

I finally had an opportunity to sleep in Sat morning, so I took that. I was a little late but made it to yoga at 10. It was so hot out! I had to have a smoothie when I got home. I took a seat outside on the porch and caught up with Karishma before showering and getting ready for the day. I had plans to hang out with Lindsay! We caught up for awhile, and then the two of us met Seth, and his friend Tim, at Cubby Bear. (For those who don't know, Seth, Lindsay and I traveled together in Europe.) When we got to the bar it was in the 11th inning. I was very happy to be able to sing Go Cubs Go in Wrigleyville! As soon as the song ended, the DJ, and dancing, began. Seth and I were known to bust a move in Europe, and Cubby Bear was so different. While I don't particularly like the bar scene, I realized how much I had missed going out dancing. The problem is... Not everyone goes out with the intention of dancing. Sadly I did not get to dance too long because I had to babysit that night. :( I got home around 11 and crashed again!

I met a couple of my classmates at a cafe to study Sunday afternoon. Afterwards I realized that I was pretty prepared for my midterms and should have a little fun. I called Rachel, who I hadn't seen in probably a month, and the two of us went for a walk along the Lakeshore path. I had been on the go most of the day, so by the time I made it home, I was hungry! I had been a good patient and took my herbs Sat and Sun. Now it was time to try the bison recommendation. I didn't think I could do a straight up bison steak, so thanks to the internet, I found a recipe that I thought would work for me: Sweet potato bison stew. I feel like I now know why 1. perhaps why I decided not to eat meat and 2. why I haven't been cooking much lately. My 1lb. organic bison steak cost me a little less than $20. And the stew took over 2 hours to cook. (Don't forgot all of the prep time.) Besides some of the vegetables being a little crunchy, it had good flavor, and it was not too difficult for me to eat the meat. It's the way I grew up. 

While I was nervous, I aced my Anatomy Practical on Monday. I literally thought my hands were shaking, but I guess no one else could tell. Not a 100 without extra credit, but luckily we have a lot of opportunity for extra credit. My Tai Ji midterm on Tuesday was practically perfect-besides my butt sticking out. haha After my Clinical Counseling class that night, I was reminded of how much I love Turbokick at the gym. Even though it was so so hot in there, it was so great to make it to class! It had been awhile. Nothing too noteworthy yesterday or today. My energy has been pretty low this week, and for that reason, I am heading to bed soon. Tomorrow afternoon is the KC's Academy Awards Ceremony, and I am excited to see the kids. Then, I get to see Cristy!  

Yang Sheng

Wow... I just got done with a really intense (acupuncture) treatment. I had been seeing the same intern for a month or so but decided to switch it up today with one of the ones that is known as "the best" around here at PCOM (Barry) I can actually still feel the points where he needed. My treatment was so different than any of the treatments I received in the past, and I feel like he taught me as much as he could (seeing as I am just now learning the basics). Getting my weekly treatments always reminds me of why I am studying so much, why I may stay in on a Friday night, etc. It will all pay off in the end, and I can't wait to understand it all and share my knowledge with others.

I titled this blog entry "yang sheng" which is the nourishing life principle. Essentially it means understanding and knowing the constitution of your body and living by its constitution or makeup. (It is a way of preventative medicine.) For example, some people have a hard time digesting raw foods, so interns instruct them to cook their foods, eating them warm. Some people need more sleep then others and so on. That being said... Today was not the only day I've been told to eat meat. The issue that I'm working on now is blood stagnation, which goes hand-in-hand with qi stagnation. (My energy has also been really low lately.) Barry even pointed out spots in which the stasis presents itself in my body. Even though I have been eating a lot of tofu, beans, leafy greens, cherries and so on... It seems that I do not have enough iron in my body. While I made the decision not to eat meat for a reason, I am beginning to think my body needs a little. This medicine is so interesting, and I wish everyone would at least give it a try. I bet you will lean a lot about yourself as well as your body's needs.

All in all, life is good. I can feel the intensity of school picking up, which brings me back to my "go, go, go" schedule, but I am happy. I find that I am taking better care of myself and my needs. Last Sunday was the perfect mix of work and play for me: yoga, studying over brunch, studying with my classmates, a Wrigley rooftop date with Carryn and Kay, gym, studying/dinner, a walk with Amber (who moved less than a mile away) and a little studying before bed. My week was a little less balanced: classes, midterms, work and studying. I can't believe it's already Friday. Besides babysitting on Saturday... No set plans for the weekend. Let's see what happens with the weather.

Weekly Recap and What I have Learned

Last weekend seems like it was a long time ago. What did I do? 

As of July I started working another shift in the clinic (Friday afternoons). While it's nice to have another opportunity to make some money, between last Friday and yesterday, Fridays seem to be the best days for weather. Oh well. It is what it is. Last Friday I got acupuncture at 11, worked 12:15-4:45ish, helped out at KC's for a little over an hour and then went to yoga. I felt loved to get out of class with a couple of friends wanting to hang out, but I felt like I needed the night to get some work (and odds and ends) done. While some call it lame, I have been told to develop my study habits now. I didn't get that much done in regards to studying, but there was laundry, e-mails, etc. Saturday consisted of CPR/First Aid certification (I am going to need that for being an observer in the clinic come September!) followed by babysitting at 3. It was a long night of babysitting, and I even stayed overnight to babysit a couple of hours in the morning (5:30-8:30AM). Dominique and I met for brunch at Nookies Tree Restaurant in Lakeview. We hadn't had Karissa/Dominique time in awhile, so that was really nice. The food was delicious too! After our brunch date I sat myself up in Caribou and worked on a couple of papers. 

10-9:30 in PCOM always makes for LONG Mondays. Tuesday night I got to see Cristy, David and Parker. I am going to miss them so much!! I wasn't hungry when they ordered food, but as soon as I left, I got really hungry. I decided that it was necessary to pick up food from Late Night Thai before starting my paper. On my way over I happened to get in touch with Dave. I hadn't seen him in over a month, but he told me he'd meet me at the Thai restaurant. We have such an interesting friendship... Nothing much to say about Wednesday. By the time class ended at 4 on Friday, I was so ready to not think for the evening. Emily came into town, and the two of us grabbed dinner at House of Sushi and Noodles. Then, we met Grace Charlie and Jess for dessert at Icream. I would describe Icream as a crazier version of Coldstone. I'm not supposed to be eating anything cold or raw (aka ice cream), so I was happy to see that they had "hot pudding" as an option, in addition to the soy option. It was soo overwhelming there! You walk up, have the option of hot pudding, ice cream, frozen yogurt or sorbet. Then you can pick the flavor of the last selection. Step 3 involves mix-ins, and step 4 concludes with your color?! I told the cashier to just make me something. I forgot the name of mine, but I think it had white chocolate and cream soda flavored hot, soy pudding with nutella mixed in (natural brown color). I tried a couple of bites and felt like it needed crunch, so I added graham cracker bits. I would say that it was decent-good, a fun experience, but I don't think I would fork out the $5+ often.

Yesterday consisted of yoga, financial work (at the clinic) and studying- woohoo! I knew that today would be a fun day, so I put in some work last night. My family came in around 10 for the Cubs vs. Twins game. I had not gotten in touch with my Mom in over a week, so it was nice to be able to catch-up with her (and of course see Monica and my Dad).  With the Fehler family luck, we had some issues getting our tickets. Luckily, there was a rain delay, but the first part of the game was cold and drizzling. As well, the game was incredibly boring: The Cubs lost 2-0. :( We filled our stomachs and enjoyed one another's company a little longer at Mystic Celt.  One of the best parts of my parents coming in was them bringing my sister's bike that she doesn't use. I had been wanting/planning to get a bike for a long time but would always end up studying or doing something else. After they left, I went straight to Target (and Sports Authority) to get a helmet, a lock, a rack for the back and some lighting for the dark. Even though I am a little nervous, I am incredibly excited to cruise around the city!

Below are a couple of valuable lessons I learned this week:

1. For the most part, I cannot get work done in my apartment. 

2. If I don't have some sort of plan or to do list, I am not very productive. 

3. A day mixed with work and play is the best for me. :)

Doing Nothing

In contrast to my last post, I have done nothing since I got home from work about 6 hours ago. I had a bad headache all day and haven't felt like doing anything since I got home. I had two midterms and a quiz this week, so all I really remember from the week is studying. I haven't gotten everything back, but I feel good. 

Caitlin, Margot and Mary were in town last weekend, and it was so nice to see all of them- a little difficult though because they wanted to go with the flow in regards to scheduling, and I had studying to do. No huge plans for this weekend, but I want to get ahead for the week. I feel like I'm still at Northwestern for the reason that I pretty much always have something to do. Heading to bed early... nothing too exciting. 

Mind Over Matter

Oh my gosh... I still can't get over this, which probably explains why I am blogging instead of studying, but after studying from 1ish-6 today, I decided that it was the perfect weather for a run. 

I figured I would probably run for an hour or so, but then I saw the Sears Tower in the distance and decided I wanted to run there. I had no set path- just followed the tallest building in the city and went whichever way the streetlights allowed. It was so strange how easy the run felt, even at the end: I had my goal in mind and was not going to change my mind (powerful stuff). I would say that I have run an hour (at most) recently, but today I ran for 2 hours. When I look at google maps, it says that the shortest walking path is 10mi round trip, so I know I ran more than that. 

What an amazing sense of accomplishment. Let's see how I feel tomorrow! 

Intuition

After going to bed at 4AM I did pop out of bed fairly easily at 9:30 to get ready and run to yoga, which started at 10. The class ended around 11:15, and I stayed until noonish. If I hadn't had class at 1, I may have stayed longer. Master Joyce began talking about the tension in my body. I ha always attributed it to stress, but she said other culprits exist. In my case, she believes that I am not utilizing all of my energy like I should. She says that I have a lot of leadership energy, and therefore need to be in a leadership role. I told her about some of the comments people made at camp (both this weekend and in February). She told me that one of the other Masters asked about me at the regional training. Upon seeing me, He mentioned that I have the same energy as Melissa Sabumnim. I don't know Melissa but have been told that she is a dancer and an amazing performance. Hmm... What is it with people saying that I need to be on stage and performing in some way? I don' know where to go with those suggestions in the present moment, but will keep them in mind. 

An Uncommon LIfe

I should probably get into bed soon seeing as I still have to edit a paper, and I want to get to morning class. However, my vision for tonight included writing about camp. If I wait too long to write, it won't contain as much detail or emotion.

I would not have been at May YEHA camp if Puran Nim had not called me last Tuesday night (one week ago exactly) and told me that he found me a good flight deal. (He even offered to buy me my ticket, and I could pay him back.) Not letting any thoughts get in my way, I booked my flight with him on the phone. I was excited at the time, but as the week progressed, and I reminded myself that this would be my fourth weekend in a row out of Chicago, I wasn't feeling 100%. Even when I got there I still questioned my decision a little. (I was hoping to see more familiar faces from last camp!) As training began all of those thoughts disappeared. The theme song for camp, Life Uncommon by Jewel, was a perfect choice for me as was the theme of loving yourself. (This is something I struggle with constantly.) Saturday's morning training consisted of stations. My group, the Soul Warriors, began at the hop shim ("one mind") station. Master Danielle began by asking why we have not yet achieved world peace. The answer is... We do not all have the same mindset or intentions. Therefore, there are too many goals that are trying to be reached. At the station each person received a sword to be held in one hand. On the count of three each person steps to the left, dropping their sword and catching the one on the left with the same hand. It sounds easy, but it took our group 20 mins to accomplish our vision of 5 in a row. Everyone has different ideas, and not every one's mind focuses on the task at hand. After a few short minutes I trusted the people to my left and right and did not worry about swords dropping. We got in a rhythm. I don't remember the comments that I made, but afterwords Danielle told me that I was a good leader. Positive feedback always makes me feel good. Next, I did some DahnMuDo with a mountainous backdrop, followed by two different meditations. In the first one, Master Aaron led us out of our bodies and into the body of an eagle and a mountain lion. When I approached a "grizzly bear with a message," as the mountain lion, the bear told me to live in peace. It may sound crazy to some of you who don't meditate, but it came without any thoughts.

In the afternoon we did a training with Master Blue Ocean in which we danced for about three hours straight. Then, we focused on loving ourselves. I was surprised at how focused I was dancing for that long: my mind did not wander; I just danced. The night training was more difficult for me a we were supposed to connect with Mother Earth and all that she does for us. I don't disagree at all but did not feel as connected as I wish I would have. Regardless... I kept choosing to push myself. During the morning DahnMuDo training the trainer said, "Every moment is a new choice. Choose." I couldn't agree more. Each of us has the power to make our own decisions. Another quote I heard from camp goes something like this, "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Live in the present."

Sunday's first training consisted of DahnMuDo from the creator himself. He was so funny. He encouraged us to be sleek and smooth, not worrying about perfection (not my usual approach). We stretched a lot, which felt good. When we had to hold a position with our neck and feet just slightly above the ground, I wanted to drop my neck so bad, but he reminded us all that The pain and difficulty is usually forgotten later. I can relate to that: I tend to remember the things I do not do/accomplish.

The afternoon consisted of informational speeches and videos about Dahn Yoga, YEHA, opportunities, upcoming events, etc. At first I thought it would be boring, but I left that afternoon feeling so inspired. I will probably be speaking to a lot of you personally, but did you know:

Every day, 50,000 die due to poverty–related causes. That amounts to 18 million people per year.
Every day, more than 3,000 children die of hunger and easily preventable diseases.
Every day, some 1.2 billion people do not have access to safe water sources.
Every day, more than 1.3 billion people live on less than $1.
Every day, our planet is warming at a rate faster than at any time in the last 10,000 years.
Every human being on this Earth is affected by these problems.

For these reasons, Dahn Yoga began the "One Dollar Enlightenment Project," which asks people to donate $1/month. The $1 you donate will be used to support Education, Health and Environmental projects around the world congruent with the Millennium Development Goals mandated by the United Nations. One of the first targeted projects will be supporting the United Nations' effort to combat the global AIDS pandemic, especially the prevention of mother-to-child transmission. Primary prevention, testing, counseling, and better integration of care, treatment and support are key to combating MTCT. Ilchi Lee, the founder of Dahn Yoga, set a vision of 100,000,000 Earth Citizens. The Chicago region has a goal of 1,000 by Labor Day. Please help me with this cause, and I will add you to our count. (http://www.ibrea.org/Earth_Citizen/One_Dollar_Project/)

For some other awesome videos (You know you like to procrastinate.) check out what's happening 40 years to the day of Woodstock (http://www.brainartfestival.com/). I tentatively bought a ticket already.

My current vision includes being more dedicated to my yoga practice, finishing school, becoming a Master and/or Brain Management Consultant and working towards creating an entire health center with both preventative and curative health care options: acupuncture, chiropractic, massage, nutrition, psychology, general MD/DO, etc. 

Our last night included dancing, skits, a closed eye walk and a bonfire. The skits were awesome this camp. We had some really stiff competition, but Chicago ended up taking first place. We were all going CrAzY!! Then, we were all supposed to trust the person ahead of us as we were lead to a huge bonfire. There we had a beautiful meditation training under the stars and looked into the eyes of our fellow YEHA members to see that each of us is the same person. We all feel the same emotions: happiness, sadness, fear, etc., regardless of sex, race, religion, ethnicity, age and so on. There were hugs all around, and it was a great last night.

I skipped breakfast and slept in a little on Monday. Then we gathered at the Ilchi Lee Museum for a hike up one of the mountains. There we did another amazing meditation surrounded by mountains. We were all supposed to come up with a standard for ourselves to shout to the mountains. A lot of people yelled love. While I think love is important, that's not the message I was receiving. After awhile, I got it... UNCOMMON. Just like the theme song, I want to/need to lead a life uncommon. I've been struggling with this for a little while now: knowing the person that I once was and also recognizing the changes. Sometimes I feel like I am being pulled in two different directions. So even though most people don't say I Love You often, I am going to say it more often. Everyone needs to be loved and to hear that they are loved. When other people are going out at night, I might be home working towards my vision. My decisions are my decisions. My thoughts are my thoughts. I cannot care what others think of them. 

Everyone had the opportunity to share their experiences, and that was so incredibly touching. I cried a lot. Before leaving I received a couple of comments from others that stuck with me. 1. "I am so powerful." 2. "I have good energy and am good at gathering people together." Through my trainings I have been able to learn a lot about myself. For example, I don't like too much consistency/redundancy. I have a harder time telling men that I love them. (I think I have always thought of the phrase as only applying to friends, family and significant others.) I don't always take compliments well. The easy way does not make me feel the best. I know there is more that I have learned, but those are some of the things sticking out right now. I feel like I could go on and on talking about my experience and this great organization, but I think it's time to wrap it up. Please feel free to ask me more questions. 

If you want to learn a little more about YEHA and the organization, check out www.youngearthhuman.com.

No, I Didn't Fall Off the Face of the Earth

I have just become consumed with school. Each weekend begins ambitiously, but then I end up spending more time with my friends and family that I originally anticipate. (That's more important anyway.) I'll recap weekends in a bit, but as of today, I have successfully completed three weeks of my Masters, and so far so good. :) Tomorrow morning I wake up around 5AM to catch a 7:05 flight out of Midway to Phoenix. From Phoenix I will take a shuttle to Sedona for another yoga retreat. I was actually feeling fairly confident about not going until Puran called me Tuesday night and told me that he found a pretty decently priced flight. I know I won't look back once I get there, but I have been so "go,go,go" lately. It would be nice to have a bit of a break weekend. 

So last time I wrote I had just returned from Iowa City. Two weekends again Lauren and I drove up to St. Paul, MN for Shawn & Bri's wedding, and this past weekend I went home for Brian & Jess's wedding. Lauren and I began the 6.5 hr drive to St Paul late morning on Friday the 8th and arrived just in time to check-in to our hotel and get ready for the rehearsal dinner. Lauren and I had not seen each other in awhile, so we had a lot to catch up during the beginning of the long drive. Until that weekend I had only heard about Shawn. I was so grateful to participate in their wedding weekend. I actually cried a lot more than I had anticipated. I cried when Brianna cried (as her Dad walked her down the aisle and then again as she recited her vows). I also got pretty sentimental at her reception. While I still consider Bri a good friend of mine, neither one of us can deny that we drifted apart in college. It'd be kind of hard not to since we lived in the same dorm, had the exact same schedule, studied WAY TOO MUCH together, but still... We used to talk about what our ideal weddings would be like, and now she is married. She and Shawn recited their vows in St. Paul's Cathedral- beautiful- and the reception that followed was well-planned and a lot of fun.

The good thing about not being one of the firsts to get married is I can come away from each wedding/reception having a better idea of what I want. On each of the tables at their reception they had pictures with trivia on the back, which I thought was a really cute idea. Plus, I just love pictures. There was also a short slideshow. Before the reception the DJ met with Shawn and Brianna individually and asked each of them to tell their side of their love story. Then, the DJ fused them together. (I think I may have cried during that too.) I'm not sure whose idea this was, but someone had thought to order pizza for a little bit of late night munching. While the distance took a lot out of me, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. (I'm still awaiting for Costa Rica details! :))

I got home this past Friday just in time for a filling- boo! Then, I spent a little time with my Grandparents before picking up some takeout with my parents and relaxing at home on Friday night. As I mentioned earlier, I brought my laptop home, planning to work on a paper, but I didn't open my computer once. My Mom and I had tentatively set a "study date" for Saturday but ended up grabbing a late lunch instead. (We both slept in, and I worked out too.) With both of our schedules, my Mom and I don't talk on the phone a lot, so there was plenty to talk about. We never have trouble with that.

Saturday night I busted out my new dress and HIGH heels. (I literally practiced walking in them.) During the wedding Jess's niece/ flower girl got mad at the ring bearer for walking too fast, hit him and then ran to the alter crying. Kids are so great! I still can't get over how quickly the reception flew by. When the DJ said, "45 minutes left," I couldn't believe it. I was pretty much on the dance floor (-heels) the entire time. Being at a reception with a lot of people you know really does make a difference. Mr. Allen gave a sweet speech. Homie is half Jewish, so I got to witness and participate in some of the Jewish wedding traditions. (I was really excited about this!!) 

Shoot... It's almost midnight. I want to get to bed! 

What is Healthy?

As most of you reading this blog probably know, for about one year exactly I have eaten a vegan diet. The start of my 6 week detox was pushed back (by the program coordinators) to Monday, yesterday. It was so great to see my family in Iowa, but I felt like all I did this past weekend was eat. My family laughs at how much of a foodie I am:I took pictures and remember pretty much everything we ate this past weekend. I got to Iowa later than I expected, so my sister and I pushed our reservation back to 7:45 and dined at The Red Avocado (http://theredavocado.com) an organic, vegan restaurant in Iowa City. The two of us split a homemade gnocchi special served in a lemon caper sauce with local greens and broccoli. It was okay, in my opinion. I Loved the College Green Sunset: Layered herbed white bean pate, tempeh sausage, tofu ricotta, and caramelized onions wrapped in a flaky filo pastry purse on spinach polenta with horseradish-root vegetable-sweet-corn relish, roasted red pepper sauce & a fine drizzle of sweet balsamic reduction. Of course no meal in our book is complete without dessert, so we share a gluten free chocolate cake and an apple cobbler a la mode. 

Lucky for my tired self, my sister was also tired. We borrowed Forgetting Sarah Marshall, which in my opinion was not even a movie (aka not good). I fell asleep during various parts of the movie, and I would guess we were in bed by 11. With such an early bedtime, I was shocked to wake up at NOON! My sister woke up about 45 mins later and we grabbed brunch at Fairgrounds (http://www.fairgroundscoffeehouse.com/) where we went all out. Everything here can be made vegan. I got a green tea latte; Monica ordered a Caramel Almond Turtle Latte. Then we split a Texas Omelette Waffle (Scrambled tofu, onions, red and green bell peppers and cheese baked into a waffle, smothered in our homemade salsa.) and Creme Caramel Grilled French Toast (Two slices of homemade focaccia dipped in batter and grilled, drizzled with our homemade cream cheese and caramel sauces, and topped with butter and powdered sugar! ). Shortly after brunch our parents arrived. We hung out together, checked into our hotel and made our way to dinner at Vesta (www.vestaiowa.com). Somehow I was hungry again?!

Vesta presents itself a funny little story. I really like trying a lot of different things, so Monica and I got a dinner for two which included a Hummus trio — white bean/truffle, garbanzo/tahini, fava/basil, Strawberry salad - greens, strawberries, avocados, sprouts, croutons, balsamic vinaigrette, Tasso pasta- pesto, angel hair, sun dried tomatoes, yellow squash, Spinach and ricotta raviolis- yellow squash, zucchini, tomatoes, artichokes and Chef Hershey’s warm peanut butter-stuffed chocolate cake and mascarpone ice cream for dessert. My Mom ordered the Bruschetta quartet — asiago/asparagus, beet/goat cheese, tomato/mozzarella, butternut squash/sage and Eggplant parmesan pizza — fried eggplant, fresh mozzarella, olives, artichokes, basil, giardinera.

Everything was delicious, but when we got the tasso pasta, I was wondering what tasted like meat. At first I thought it was eggplant. My mom thought it was mushrooms... I went up to look at a menu again: sun dried tomatoes and yellow squash? I asked the waitress and learned that tasso is spicy ham. Lovely... From now on I will definitely ask if I don't know what a word is. Luckily, I'm not intense like I can imagine some people being; it was just less for me to eat. After dinner the fam went back to watch the Bulls loose- lame! I wasn't really feeling tired, but everyone else seemed to be going to bed, so I did too. We shared a buffet brunch in the morning (w an amazing dessert section), and then I headed back to Chicago.  (I don't now why this is double spaced now?)

Back to the title of this post: Yesterday I started my first classes at Pacific. Besides trying to balance school and still helping out at my old job, I am really excited! In my class today, the professor was talking about yin & yang energy. From that theory comes the different energies that the body needs yin (fruits and vegetables) and yang (meats). (I remember hearing that most people transition from vegetarian to meat eater in their time at Pacific. I talked to the professor a little while after class. He told me that his most unhealthy patients are usually vegetarians and vegans, so he usually recommends a couple of small portions (aka credit card size) each week. 

A couple of hours later I had an acupuncture treatment. If you follow this blog pretty regularly, you will remember that I had to get an ultrasound and some other tests done when I visited my gynecologist a couple of months ago since I don't get my period anymore. Well, before taking any medicine I want to see if acupuncture works. Well... My practitioner today also suggested that I eat a little meat. She also taught me that the Chinese essentially HATE raw food. I guess it's hard on the organs to digest and uses a lot of energy.  

So here I was, gung-ho to eat raw for 6 weeks, which is still vegan, and then I am turning this information over and over again in my head. This leads to my question, "What is Healthy?" My Tai Ji professor that I spoke with wasn't overweight, but I wouldn't describe him as slim and trim either. If I believe in this kind of medicine, do I also need to trust their diet. Or were the animals that lived 4,000 years ago very different from the ones that inhabit this earth today? I am a person who likes to have immediate answers, but I feel like I will need to sit on this stuff for a little while. Instead of doing my homework now, I am thinking and reflecting. I might need to do some trial-and-error, while journaling, to see what makes me feel the best. I know I bought groceries for a couple of days of raw, so I went to use that up. Then, maybe I need to wait on that a little to see if my acupuncture and diet recommendations can make a difference. Alright. I should go. I still have 6:30 meditation. 

A Little Insight

Once my laundry spins out I need a little nap before I get on the road. I woke up about every hour last night. 

6:30 bow training was great. I ran there, which felt good/woke me up a little. We did 103 bows together, meditated for energy (for ourselves, for the center and for everyone else), did brain wave vibration (asking who I am and what I want) and qigong (feeling energy). When we shared at the end I explained that bow training was easier for me than normal, but I thought a lot during the other parts. When I was asking myself what I wanted, my response was energy. I don't have a hard time setting visions/goals, but I do not always stick with them. There is so much that I want to do, and I need more energy and will. When asking myself "Who am I?" I got a couple of different answers: a leader and a great person. 

Taking Francesca with me last night was a great experience for me, and it makes me want to continue sharing with others. Feeling like a great person was so necessary for me, especially if you remember my biggest negative voice: "I am a bad person." I told my fellow classmates(?) that I feel as though today is a new day. I feel happy, committed and energized. When I spoke with Master Joyce after training, she told me that I have "simple, clear, strong leadership energy," but I do not accept myself. Wow, did she hit the nail on the head. I doubt myself a lot, have negative thoughts and am very hard on myself. Master Joyce encouraged me to keep going and fully love/accept myself. I see myself evolving as I continue to practice, so I can't wait to see where I go from here. 

As of right now I'm still feeling dedicated to 6 weeks raw. It's just 6 weeks. If I really want to see what the hype is about, I need to stick to it. Willpower! I learned today that 6:30 bow training will be for 21 days. (Then, I leave for May camp on the 22nd.) Last night Puran mentioned that challenges are some of the best things in life because that's when we most learn about ourselves. Think about that... 

I have such an exciting month!! I start school on Monday, have Bri and Shawn's wedding next weekend and Jess and Brian's the following weekend. These will definitely be challenges to my 6 weeks of raw. I think I will be doing a lot of writing and reflecting.

Feeling sleepy but oh so happy! :)

I Know I Should Be Sleeping.

Tomorrow begins my 7 day 6:30AM bow meditation training at the center, but so much love, energy and sugar is running through my body right now. I want to remember this day, and all of its special details, forever. Therefore, I am going to write it all now, as if I am writing in a personal journal. Enjoy all of the honesty and sincerity! :)

Can I start by saying that before typing this entry I purchased Miley Cyrus' "The Climb" on iTunes? The lyrics of the song are amazing and really resonate with me. 

So one countdown has come to a close today (my Kindergarten TA position at work), as another (6 weeks of raw eating) begins tomorrow. (After all of my sweets today, I am feeling ready.) 

I arrive to work this morning as the kids were painting their little hands, placing them on a large piece of butcher paper and signing their names. Then, most of them drew me pictures, which I plan to hang on my walls. My co-worker, Peggy, had a large bouquet of assorted flowers for me, in addition to a sweet card. Remember, sometimes a censor what I post online, but not tonight. The card read: "You're the best! Thank you for all you have done. You are a very special young lady. Good luck in life. You deserve the best because you are the best. I am here for you always. Enjoy life and keep smiling. I'm going to miss you. :("

Shortly after one of the other boys, Elton, arrived with his father and brought me a beautiful assortment of purple flowers. Oh yeah. I cannot forget that a couple of days ago Elton's father brought me a stack of yoga magazines (so thoughtful!) and a card (w a check) on Tuesday that read: "I wanted to take a moment to say good bye to you as you pursue the career of your heart. You are very fortunate in that most people spend their life unhappy because they are not doing the work they want to do. Your heart, compassion, kindness and intelligence will take you far. There is also a strength and toughness in you that you can use whenever you need to. Good luck in all that you do. Let us know if you need anything."

On Wednesday Oliver and his mother brought me in some mums and assorted chocolates. 

Yesterday Dominique told me to pick out lunch from The Chicago Diner. I decided on gyros: thin sliced grilled seitan with chopped tomatoes, onions & lettuce on a warmed pita bread with vegan tzatziki sauce with sweet potato fries on the side. 15 or so minutes before I was going to go upstairs for lunch, Miss Sherif stopped by with a large cake from a Swedish Bakery and a card w money?! She wrote in different spots all over the card: "Thanks so much for all the good and bad news. Myles love you. We all do. (smile)" "I hope all your dreams come true and you will make a very good mom someday."  "Life is what you make it."  (The comment about being a good mom really got to me.) Before leaving she apologized for not having time to make me food. I told her that it was not a big deal at all, and I meant that. 

So I finish my lunch upstairs as Miss Sherif's daughter walks in the breakroom with a huge tupperware container of vegetable fried rice. I just shook my head... She really didn't need to do that. Another 10 minutes later Mrs. Sanders, Elton's mom, arrives with more flowers (I felt like I won a beauty pageant today!), 2 cupcakes and 3 tarts from Bleeding Heart Bakery, a Whole Foods gift card and another beautiful card. This one read: "Thank you so much for all you have done with Elton, Mark, myself and everyone. I know at times Elton and the other children have been a challenge, and I admire/appreciate your sincerity, compassion, and fairness through your time here. I've seen you extend yourself well beyond what is expected in both your personal and professional life. You have many great qualities older individuals are still struggling to achieve. Good luck in your career. I'm sure you'll excel there like you have done in your other endeavors. I will miss you. Also, don't forget to take time for yourself- it's necessary to be able to help others."

If you can't tell by now, I think kind words are one of the nicest gifts you can give a person. Everything else I received today is so greatly appreciated, but these cards brought me to tears. 

The afternoon slowed down a little. The kids woke up kind of late. One of the parents brought in cookies and juice boxes, so we had those this afternoon. Then, we just had fun. A couple of the kids had the idea to go "camping" and asked for blankets. 20 minutes later I had built a huge tent/fort in the middle of the classroom. 

Jonathan's Mom arrived right around 6 with my last card of the day in tow: "We are very proud of your decision to go to graduate school. We wish you all the best. We extend our sincerest appreciation for being Jonathan's teacher and helping to instill confidence in him. We consider you to be a friend of the family. Please stay in touch."

I'm crying again as I re-read these cards and think about how sweet everyone was to me today. Mrs. Sanders was trying to renew my yoga membership. Miss Sherif wanted to do more.... Honestly this was more than enough. Flowers and cards, maybe, but I can't believe all of the money I got?! Oh my gosh! I can't forget the card that all of my kids signed, including Dominique, who I think wraps up this stage of my life fairly well when she wrote, "All good things come to an end. Take care of business! I know you will do great in this field you have chose, and I hope all of your dreams come true!"

In talking to her tonight she reminded me that I do not give myself enough credit; I should not have been shocked that everyone at school wanted to do such nice things for me. She's right. I am so hard on myself and often dwell on the things I don't do that I may forget everything that I do/have done. 

My amazing day transitioned into an equally amazing night of yoga. I brought Francesca with me. We tapped, learned more about the flow of energy and danced for 30 minutes. I don't know if I was a dancer in my past life, or what, but I did not want the dancing to end. I was all smiles and felt such great energy in the room with me. As I reflected on the day's events and all of the love I received today, I started to feel a love for myself that I don't know if I've ever felt before. When I talked to my friend Sara a few weeks ago, she told me that it's really important for me, and all women, to think of myself as deserving nothing but the best; because, I am such an  amazing person. I am starting to understand where she is coming from. 

In my yoga practice I am feeling a lot more flexible, and I have been feeling so much energy lately: Last night I actually went to the gym at 10PM because I didn't feel tired at that point. I really should get to bed now since I'm waking up in 5 hours. 

1 More Day

I can't believe it. Today is April 29th, and after today, I only have one more day left of work. Last week I felt like the kids were really giving me a hard time, but now I feel the love and how much I am going to miss these kids.

As usual I have gone way to long since my last post, and there has been so much that has happened since.

Friday did end up being a beautiful 80degree day. I walked to work, spent the day outside with the kids, walked with a friend at lunch, walked to yoga and walked home from yoga. How could I not be in good spirits? Wed-Fri I also completed my 3-Day Green Smoothie Challenge. For drinking just smoothies I was surprised at 1. how energized I felt and 2. how little I needed to get me through the day. Since then I continue to have a smoothie each morning for breakfast.

Yoga training Friday night was pretty big for me. We were holding a posture (sleeping tiger with our heads up), and I "could not" do it. By "could not" I mean that I felt like I couldn't. My body could technically do it, but I was feeling a lot of pain and having a lot of doubts. Instead of pushing through, I gave up, which felt fine at the time, but really frustrated me afterwards. I think this is applicable to a lot of life situations for me, and I'm assuming a lot of other people. I went to be fairly early that night and woke up in time Saturday morning to go to yoga. (That rarely happens on a Saturday.) I waited until the last minute to pick up a gift for Jessika's bridal shower. All gifts were supposed to focus on the bedroom. I felt like I should do something practical, but when I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond, nothing on her registry covered the bedroom. Therefore, I went with something fun: stopped in Borders and picked up two books: "Do You Know Your Lover?" and "Position a Day (for Experts)." It was a mix of seriousness and humor. [Everyone really got a kick out of the second one. Ironically Jess just happened to open up to her wedding day: "Bend it Like Beckham." :)]

We went to Jess's sister's for the shower and then took a big van to Howl at the Moon. (I really do love that place.) Seeing as I don't drink anymore, I was really curious to see how enjoyable a bachelorette party would be for me. I had a great time. I was with my best friends from high school, singing, dancing and celebrating downtown. We planned to go to Cocktails in Boystown for some more fun but walked up to a door that read "NO Bachelorette Parties!" At the time it was raining and cool, so we jumped across the street to Roscoes. Wow, was I thrown into another world?! We didn't stay there too long, and instead decided to grab some food at Hollywood Grill. I am still impressed with myself for how late I was up. Karen and I finally decided at 4:30 that we should get to bed.

Cricadian rhythms woke us all up around 9/9:30. I hung out a bit at Grace and Charlie's and then headed home to meet my Dad, who was bringing my desk in from Rockford so that I have a place to study. Around 1 he dropped me off at Dave and Cristy's for Parker's little 6 month party. Oh my gosh... I cannot say enough about how much he makes me smile. :) When I walked in the door, I saw Ema and Lindsay too!! (I didn't think they would be able to come.) Marc Rossoff happened to be in town, so I saw him, and more of the crew continued to show up. I always cherish time over there, so leaving around 5 to babysit was tough. In talking to my Grandma on my way home, I realized that my weekend was so special because I spent time with yoga/Chicago friends, HHS friends and NU friends.

Monday was tough for me because there was a car alarm going off in front of my apt ALL night! When I was in a deep sleep, it didn't wake me up, but I was solidly awake basically 1-4AM. I crashed really early that night.

Now, for what most of you may want to know about, my date last night: Brian picked me up at 7:15, which gave me just enough time to re-get ready a little. I offered him a couple of restaurant options, but ultimately he told me to pick. I went with Opera in the South Loop-"Chinese with Modern Presentations." The restaurant has a separate vegan menu, which was a huge influence in my decision. I had not realized this, but on Tuesday and Sunday nights, diners have the option of a $29/50 three course meal. It wasn't applicable to vegans, but oh well!) I ordered orange tofu, and it was delicious! I had some of it for dinner, some more for lunch today and still have another portion. At dinner conversation flowed easily, and I felt really comfortable (which is huge for me after my some of the dates I've been on in the past). We decided to head over to the theaters after dinner and decided on I Love You Man; Earth wasn't playing until a lot later. I don't think a movie has made me laugh out loud like that in a long time. It helped that there was this guy behind us that laughed a lot and laughed often. It was a good "first date" movie, but I recommend that everyone see it. (I don't usually feel that way about movies.)

It's not like I actually have a checklist, but I feel like he did everything a "good guy" should do: opened doors, insisted on paying (which I don't think should always be up to the guy), valued my opinion, etc. I'm not sure when, but we plan to see each other again.

I'll Believe it When I See It

According to the weather reports, it is supposed to reach 80degrees tomorrow. It was supposed to be 70 today, but it definitely feels a lot cooler to me.

So I left my last post hanging on who I talked to Monday night. Well,one of my friend sent me a text last week, "Hey. Would you be interested in being set up for a date? I have a cute friend interested in asking you out if you're up for it. He's cute, nice, normal. Don't worry. I wouldn't set you up with someone who I didn't think would at least be worth meeting. Let me know." Besides my schedule being a little crazy, I was definitely up for it. Why not?

So we had that initial get to know you conversation Tuesday night. I thought it went well, and I told him that I would give him a call soon to figure out dinner. He sent me a nice text on Tuesday, which I appreciated, and then we talked again last night. There were two Big turn-offs for me. 1. I told him that at one point I was working 8-6:30 at the preschool and was so drained that I asked my boss to change my hours back to 10-6:30. He called me a slacker. 2. When I was talking about some of my friends from school being in a sorority, he made some noise and a comment about me buying friends. I told him that I don't appreciate those comments, and U of I and Northwestern are very different schools. I'm a pretty sarcastic person, but I was not feeling those comments.

I'm supposed to, and will, call him after orientation tonight, and we are going to try and find a meeting point for Tuesday night.

Including today... 6 more days of work- holler!

Here We Go!

In addition to the 6 week raw detox I signed up for, I also registered for a simpler 3-day green smoothie challenge. For my small $5 donation to the whales I could send an e-mail to someone else, and I chose my sister. I wasn't sure if she would be into the idea, but she's on board! :) I think we are going to start tomorrow. You can use the smoothies at any level that you want- smoothie for breakfast only, all smoothies or anything in between. I want to go for three days of only smoothies. I think you can do anything for three days (a little different than six weeks).

It's cool and rainy today, but the temperature is supposed to pick up tomorrow, reaching 80degrees by the end of the week. (I don't trust the weather much though.) I'm coming off of a great weekend and have a lot coming up. After babysitting on Saturday night I met up with Sydney (my roommate from last year), who I had not seen in a long time. Sunday morning I got a great workout in- went to a spinning class, met-up with the "Chicago Young and Raw" group at a place called Doc's Smoothies in Bucktown, and had Carrryn over to make dinner.
That was my first meet-up with that group, and it was really nice that everyone was under 35. It was also a small group, so we all sat at one table. I immediately recognized Lenette, the organizer, when I walked in. Everyone ordered the green smoothie, so I went with that one too. Each person was supposed to bring some kind of snack with them. I made almond butter for the first time, which was incredibly easy. Others brought crackers, guacamole, "cheese" dip, cookies (so good!), a green bean salad and these delicious little crepes. It was a great introduction for me, and I hope to spend more time with this group.

Later that day Carryn came over for dinner. I had not seen her since I made a quick visit to Dance Marathon, and I hadn't really had a chance to talk to her either. Once she arrived, we picked up some groceries at Whole Foods and made dinner together: an arugula salad with pear and brie, followed by spinach spaghetti with green beans, potatoes and homemade pesto. We had our doubts a few times, but it turned out really well! :)

Last night I went to see Cristy, David and Parker, which was amazing! More to come on the phone call I had on my way.

Oh my gosh. What did I sign up for?

Let me first start by saying that I am typing this entry on my new MacBook, and she is beautiful! :) I can't help but have a smile on my face. I spent the afternoon out and about with my friend Elizaveta and her little girl Klava. Elizaveta and I each got new running shoes. Then we grabbed lunch and sat outside on the patio. I love seeing all of the families and the dogs outside. Everybody just seems so happy! I need to head out in a bit to babysit, but I had to get this post up.

In general, life has felt pretty monotonous for me lately: It's great to have school to look forward to, but I feel like I am in that Groundhog Day movie, where Bill Murray wakes up to have each day the same as the one before. I've been struggling to wake up and get out of bed most days, and I love the nights that I have yoga because I feel so great, but I usually don't get home until 8:15 or 8:30, leaving me a couple of hours before bed.. Oh how the days fly by!

If it wasn't for the weekends, I'd really go crazy! Last weekend I headed home after work (around 8:30PM) on Friday. I arrived to my parents both dead asleep, but my sister was merely getting ready to go out for the night. The two of us caught up a little, and surprisingly my Mom woke up around 11:30, and we were up until I headed for bed around 2AM. She had recorded everything from Inauguration Day, and since I wasn't able to watch it, we watched it together. Saturday was one of those relaxing days when I sat in the kitchen talking to my Mom. Since she's gone back to school, we really don't talk as much as we used to, maybe a few times a week. The rest of my day consisted of a run, relaxing a little, meeting friends of the family out for dinner and then going over to my Grandparents. (I was supposed to meet up with Karen and Emily after work, but it didn't work out.)

I wanted to bring something over to my Aunt Sheri's for Easter brunch, but Hilander didn't have the ingredients I needed to make my spinach mushroom quiches, and in talking to my Grandma, I didn't let the dough rise in the right pan, so my Polish Easter bread didn't turn out. :( Oh well... There was PLENTY of food there. I obviously didn't eat a majority of this, but there was 2 quiches, french toast, sausage, bacon, ham, potatoes, fruit, rolls, spinach & feta pinwheels, coffee cake, cream cheese pastries, biscuits and gravy, cream puffs... I probably even forgot a couple of things. (My aunt always outdoes herself.) Oh yes... There was also about anything one could have wanted to drink. That night my family and I went to the Cubs vs. Brewers game at Miller Park.

At one point in the afternoon I was considering passing on the game because my Mom and I got in some stupid, little disagreement, which tends to happen about every time I go home. I get so frustrated because we spent all day Saturday talking. Then, on Sunday, she said something to me in a joking way, but for some reason I snapped at her, which ticked her off (aka She ignored me, which hurt my feelings.) and on and on. I don't know what it is about the two of us, but we each know how to upset the other. 

The game ended up being great. We didn't tailgate too much because 1. We weren't that hungry, and 2. it was a little cool outside. (It's nice that Miller Park has the retractable roof.) Once we got inside though, we each grabbed something to eat before the game. As a non-meat eater in WI, vegan at that, I didn't think I would have much for options, but get this, my Mom and I ordered stir-fries (peanut and ginger) . haha  I definitely took a picture of that- not your typical game day meal. My sister got a hot dog, and my Dad ordered a brat. Soriano stepped up to bat first and hit a home run. What a great way to start the game?! With a score of 8-5 and Prince Fielder stepping up to bat with 2 on, we got a little nervous at the bottom of the ninth, but we struck Fielder out swinging. 

I didn't sleep on the way home, which surprised me, and I had a hard time falling asleep that night, so getting up Monday morning was hard, but in general my week was good. I got my computer Wednesday night; Emily came into town Thursday night, so we got together with Jess, Charlie and Grace for dinner. Last night I made dinner, relaxed and finally watched Slumdog Millionaire with my roommate Melissa and her boyfriend Greg. The movie was a lot more intense than I had anticipated, but it was a good one. 

I also listened to a teleseminar last night, which explains the title of this blog. After sleeping on it, I signed up for a 6-week raw detox starting May 1st. I already know it won't be perfect with a couple of weddings that month, but I am going to do my best. I've heard so much about how everyone's body needs to do this, but I haven't felt too motivated to do it. With the warm weather, and the deal I got, I felt like I had to do it. That will definitely be something interesting to write about, and now that I think about it, writing might help me stick to it more because I will be writing down all of the things that I make. 

PS Happy Birthday Ashley! xoxo