I Can Be Anybody; I Can Do Anything!!

This is my powerful, positive mantra that I found during Shim-Sung this weekend.

Part of me feels tired right now and another part of me feels so much energy and drive and wants to do so much before going to bed. Either way, I knew I had to write before I retire for the night:

So one of the rules of shim-sung is that you cannot tell anyone about what actually happens in the workshop, but you are supposed to share your discoveries and your feelings. (It makes the experience more meaningful and real.) So where do I begin? In general I feel like I am gaining more confidence, not caring what others think so much. I feel a ton of love in my heart and am working toward more love for myself. I have a better understanding that my mind, my soul and my body are all different entities, and I have to be conscious of this. There are times of physical challenge when your body wants to give up, and your mind encourages you to give up, but if you want it bad enough, and believe in yourself enough, you can do/endure anything. As I wrote before, when there's a will there's a way! What's on the inside truly matters more than anything else. The past affects you, and it is important to recognize the pain and emotions but also important to move past these feelings. Music is so so powerful. I think the world has the potential to move in a much more positive direction, but people need to be willing to change.

More specifically the hardest realization I had during this training is that I have A LOT of negative thoughts about myself. The biggest, most painful thought that goes through my head on a daily, probably hourly basis is "I am a bad person." I feel bad if I forget to do something, especially when it is for someone else. (Speaking of... I just ran into my roommate's room to text her some information that she asked about on Friday.) I feel bad if I don't wake up early enough to be productive in the morning. I feel bad if I'm a little too hard on the kids at school. I feel bad if I haven't been in touch with a friend or family member in awhile. The list goes on and on.

On the side of more positive realizations, I have changed the way in which I view my relationship with my parents. I understand that the way they are comes largely from their past, and no matter what, they love me so much. At this training I realized that while I sometimes try to back out of this role, I am naturally a leader, a teacher and a cheerleader.

Those are the biggest lessons I can think of right now. Trainings always leave me feeling so amazing and wanting more! :)

If you read my last post, you know that this weekend was more than Shim-Sung: After work Friday night I met Kathryn, Lindsay and Ema at Cristy's. We ordered in Thai food, caught one another up on life and had some meaningful conversations, which included a discussion of how, unlike the transition from high school to college, no one is prepared for the transition from college to the real world. This makes the first year out of college incredibly difficult. I personally think talking about it makes people feel better and more "normal," but each of us, in addition to many others, talked about how hard it has been for us. It had been (w0w!) almost nine months since we had all been together, but everything felt so right. Friends are so important in life, and I am so grateful for mine. I probably do not thank them enough.

Shortly before going to bed (Kat and I slept over.), Cristy asked Kat and I to be Parker's Godmothers. Of course we both said yes while simultaneouslt shrieking. haha I was flattered and excited at the time, but as I continue to think about it and talk about it, my heart feels more and more love, honor and privilege. Like Cristy said, "Now we kind of have to be friends forever." Not that I didn't plan to before, but it solidifies our relationship even more; we will always be connected. Now I also have even more of an excuse to spoil beautiful baby Parker, who I met in his first 24 hours of life. I'm Aunt Karissa. :)