Sunrise Meditation

Yea... I did it! I just completed my 21-Day (6:30AM) Meditation Training along Lake Michigan. Every other day was at the center, but this morning was special, and we met outside at Fullerton & Lakeshore.

I don't even know where to begin trying to explain the experience. We started on Labor Day after I had just gotten back in town: Some mornings the 6:10AM alarm didn't bother me at all. Other days I was so annoyed and just wanted to turn it off and go back to sleep. However, even if I was late, my goal was to complete the 21 days. My teacher, Master Joyce, says your brain does not remember the small details (ie being late) but rather the accomplishment of the goal. I think that's important for everyone to acknowledge and remember.

Do I feel different now? Yes and no. It has been difficult, and I know it will continue to be difficult, pursuing a scholastic and spiritual path simultaneously. I am definitely excited to not have such a strict wake time for this spiritual path. (The finish line is what got me out of bed the past few day.) I also know that I am going to need to push myself more in that area. In regards to energy, I felt a lot during the training, and I am also feeling more flexible, especially in my hips.

In general, I feel as though I have begun to learn and reflect on myself a lot, which has been both interesting and difficult. I felt a lot of anger, hostility and resentment during the training, which I acknowledged in daily life too. I think most would agree that, generally speaking, those adjectives do not describe my demeanor. So I guess I buried these feelings inside, trying not to express them. For that reason I continue to feel some pain/blockage in my chest.

I felt/received a number of messages throughout the training, but they weren't always consistent: "Be patient." "Be grateful for time." "Don't rush things." "Take action." "Don't put things off." "Be sincere." "Don't wait for others." "Never sell yourself short." "Do things for myself." "Listen." "Be confident." "Share." "Accept." "Having something does not identify you." "Don't compare." "Don't give up." "Let it go." "Release tension." "Dance!"

Recently another one of the Masters told me that I need to be like water for others. "When they need snow, be snow. When they need rain, be rain." I've meditated on this a bit but still don't feel clear on that.

One day I asked myself what I am afraid of. I quite a bit in the 15 mins of bow training that specific day: making mistakes, letting people down, not living up to expectations (of myself and of others), early death, insecurity, not being in control, regret or resentment, making bad impressions, hurting people, not following through.

As you can probably tell, a lot of my fears have to do with others, which probably should not be so important.

What are some things I want to/can change about myself?

I want to eliminate doubt and reduce judgment, break bad habits, reduce the high expectations/standards I place on myself or rather accept that I will not achieve all of them.

What do I want to do?

I want to focus my energy better and stay connected to what is important: health, happiness & peace, helping others, healing, love, forgiveness, do my best, focus!

Life is definitely a journey.

Back in action

It's been a couple of weeks+ since my last post, but I have a good excuse. I was studying hard so I'd do well on my final exams. I have not received all of my final grades, but I felt really good about them. I don't know if it's yoga, planning ahead or both, but I was pretty calm for my finals time. There were a few times I got a little anxious, but I generally felt good going into each one. Now, I have exactly one month and one day to do anything I want. :)

What am I going to do you might ask? In general, I am going to cook more, exercise more, spend more time with my friends, read for pleasure, make my apt feel more like home... I have a lot of things that I want to do. Specifically, I will be leaving for New York City on Friday the 14th at about 5AM. I am driving with my fellow YEHA friends to attend the Brain Art Festival at Radio City Music Hall. Check it out (www.brainartfestival.com)! From there I am going to Ellenville, NY for a training/certification. When I am done I will be a certified brain management consultant. More to come on that, but essentially I will help train people to better use the right side of their brain.

My birthday's at the end of the month, and there's Labor Day weekend! It's been great to sit around and watch a little tv, relax. :) I'm off and going tomorrow though.

Concluding My Last Post

I feel somewhat bad, but having my computer in class makes it so much more manageable. So on Saturday Monica and I slept in a bit. Then, we made plans to get sushi at Toro Sushi in Lincoln Park. One of my classmates had told me that it's amazing sushi, and he was right. We ordered three special rolls. (I wish they had an online menu, so I could be reminded of what all was in them.) I remember that one of them was named "Oh My God," and boy was it good. As we were talking to sushi I realized that we were really close to Molly's Cupcakes, so we went there afterwards. We split 2 of the most popular ones: The Ron Bennington, which was essentially chocolate with peanut butter in the middle and Cookie Monster, which had cookie dough in the middle. We hung out there for a little while, but it was so busy/loud. Monica was a trooper and went with e to Starbucks so I could study. The best part of the night, however, was the concert. With Darius Rucker and Vince Gill, the best part did not start until about 9:15. We were a little cool until then: we sang and danced the entire time, never sitting down again. Rascal Flatts played most of their hits, and I think it was my favorite concert! Monica and I determined that it must have been new, but there was this really "lovey dovey" couple in front of us that me want to be in a relationship. They were pretty cute. It's been awhile.

We were planning to hang out in Wrigley after the concert, but it did not pan out. Instead, we grabbed some Late Night Thai for a late dinner. I was sad when I had to take her to the train Sunday morning. While I love my program, my classmates, my teachers, etc., as I studied that day, I was reminded that this is the "real deal." The intensity of my program is going to increase A LOT come September, and weekends primarily filled with fun will most likely be few and far between. To try and stay social I had dinner with the girls (Emily, Grace, Charlie and Jess) last night. I had not seen them in awhile, and it just so happens that we were all free that night.

Summer Nights

Let's see how fast I can write about my past week+.

Last Saturday late morning/early afternoon I drove to Dekalb for the Inipi (sweat lodge). (I can't believe I haven't written about this experience yet. I should have written when it was fresh, but it was hard to do much that night. I got home, received a massage from my Mom and crashed.) First and foremost, it was not as bad as I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong: It got REALLY hot in there. I was dripping sweat, but I never felt like I couldn't endure the heat. After I entered the inipi, the first seven rocks were blessed and placed in the center. As soon as the "door" closed, I was reminded of how much I struggle with not knowing what is going to happen next. I was freaking out a bit as the veterans sang some tribal songs. Before I knew it, the door was opened again, and I felt so grateful for the cool breeze and the sunshine. (I take those for granted a lot.) I can't tell you how grateful I was for the ladle of water I received a few times. There were moments when my lungs were burning, and it was hard to breath, but it was nothing that I could not bare. I made the choice to participate in this ceremony. Some don't have the option of being in such a small space. There was a point when the leader made a comment that we should "let any pains, burdens, fear, etc. go to our ancestors (represented by the rocks). This reminded me that it's important to ask for help. I know that I'm forgetting a lot more. :( Overall I must say that I was really proud of myself for going, and I would do it again. I almost decided not to go, but I did. I was the only one of my classmates there. The other three were/are in their final year.

On Sunday I visited with my Grandma & Papa and then went over to my Grandma Elaine's for a double birthday celebration. I felt like my family was really negative that day, and it was a little hard to be there. Totally switching gears... My teacher hypnotized me in Tai Ji class on Tuesday. Someone attempted to hypnotize me before, but I wasn't into it. I was a little nervous that it was not going to work again. I thought I was going to have to play along with what Tony said, but as soon as he told me that my arm was steel, I realized that I was relaxed enough to be hypnotized- so crazy. I also did the form in front of my classmates better than I'd ever done it before. My arms felt so light. I learned that the certification only takes about a week, and Tony uses it to help relax/calm patients who are worried about their treatment. Hmm... sounds interesting to me!

My Mom and Monica came into town late Thursday afternoon for the Billy Joel/Elton John concert. We went to Twist for some tapas before the show. (I forgot how much I love tapas style meals.) We shared quite a few: Jalapeno Gnocchi w red pepper sauce, Black Bean Cakes w avocado & spicy chipotle mayo, Grilled Vegetable and Goat Cheese on toasted bread, Bacon Wrapped Dates served in a roasted red pepper sauce and Stuffed Mushrooms with sauteed spinach, Monterey Jack cheese and tomato sauce. Towards the end of the meal, we thought we really had to get going, but the concert didn't end up starting until 7:30. The concert was nothing short of legendary. It lasted more than 3 hours, and for the most part, they played the Big songs. I was glad that Elton John started, and the concert finished with Billy Joel- grand finale, Piano Man. I don't think I could ever be as on top of the lyrics as my Mom. (It's pretty impressive.) Sadly, the group of people around us were kind of lame, but our seats were awesome! We were the first row, behind the brick of the 3rd base bullpen. All concert long, people in the field seating were pretending to throw pitches. Monica and I got so much entertainment out of that.

On Friday all 3 of us got acupuncture treatments and then went to the infamous Chicago Diner. Mom, Monica and I all wanted to order the same things, so we shared: HOT “WINGS”:

Seitan "wings" with our vegan ranch & celery sticks. BBQ or Buffalo Style, AVOCADO TOSTADA: High protein quinoa with grilled vegetables, avocado slices & chimichurri , a cilantro based Argentinean salsa and THE RADICAL REUBEN Sliced seitan, onions, peppers, sauerkraut, vegan Thousand Island Dressing & cheeze, on marbled rye. The bad thing for me when it comes to Mom and Monica, is they know my weaknesses, especially when it comes to sweets. Mom wanted to try once cake, and Monica and I wanted to try another, so we decided to try both: a special chocolate cake infused with some kind of pepper and a cinnamon frosting (It was pretty delicious.) Monica and I decided on a chocolate raspberry cake. Mom was anxious about traffic, so she headed out shortly after that. Monica and I hung low, went to see The Hangover and then rented He's Just Not that Into You. Gosh. I am such a hopeless romantic ;).

Blogging break. I'll finish the weekend later.

Whirlwind of a Week

I can't believe last Saturday was the 4th of July. I also can't believe that week 10, of my 14 week semester, flew by and ended yesterday. While I have a lot of work that I want to/need to get stared on, if I don't blog now, it will take me forever when I do, or a lot of the details will be left out.

After work last Friday night I went over to my friend Marissa's for a barbecue. Marissa and I went to Northwestern together, but she does not keep in touch with many Chicago NUs, so I didn't really know anyone there. However, I befriended a girl named Katie, and we bonded over the fact that neither of us works at Deloitte (where most of the attendees work). I decided to ride my bike to the bbq, and while everyone fussed about me going home "late at night," it really is liberating to speed past all of the cars while riding your bike on a cool, summer evening. :)

Saturday, the 4th of July, was spent with Dominique and Kesha and Kyana's family on the South side of the city. Good thing I started eating meet again recently, because they were serious meat eaters over there: hamburgers, hotdogs, chicken legs, duck and ribs. Even the potato salad had seafood in it. Dominique and I had talked about seeing the fireworks downtown, but friend of the family ended up being in town. Since I didn't know of anyone else going downtown to see the fireworks, and I didn't really feel like fighting the crowd, I decided to prepare or our party and just have a relaxed night to myself. I cleaned and organized my apartment as I baked some caramel corn. Sunday started with Zumba: always a delightful start to the day, followed by final party prep. (I baked a new recipe of 7 layer bars, and they were a hit!) While most of my friends were out of town for the 4th, I was able to have a good handful of friends stop by on Sunday.

All in all, the weekend was okay. After spending last year in Paris, and the year before in San Francisco, you can say that I might have had high expectations. I am lucky to have a good number of friends living in Chicago, but it seems that so many were out of town.

Monday began my crazy busy week. After all of the from the weekend, I decided that I really need to make working out and eating healthy/avoiding sweets a large priority. My goal was to make as many 6AM classes as possible at the gym. Also, when I started school, I told myself that I was going to focus on school, but somehow I have a lot of side babysitting jobs and take any opportunity I can to work. Here was the week:

Mon: Sculpting, week prep, Anatomy 10-12, Student Council Meeting 12-1, Biology 1-5, work 5-9:30, bed

Tues: 6AM Pilates, a little reading and studying, 10-12 Tai Ji, 1-4:30 h/c &hilight, 5-8:15 apt hunting w Emily and Karen- SUCCESS! (We will be living in Lincoln park in a couple of weeks. :) 8:30-11 Yoga training

Wed: slept in a little, 10-11:3yoga, studying 1-4 Anatomy, 4-6 Research, 6-9 Foundations of Chinese Medicine, CRASH- bedtime!

Thurs: 6:30 Spinning, 9-12 FCM, 12:15-3:30 babysitting, 3:45-4 presentation at PCOM, 4-7:15 unexpected work in the clinic for someone who was sick. Getting home by 8 was AMAZING!! Kesha was going to come over to finish my h/c, but I ended up going over there. Amber and I had the chance to walk for a bit first.
I always forget how much a haircut can make you feel different. I added some blonde back in and got some hilights and side bangs. I love it! I don't think it could have come at a better time. I was so tired and didn't feel like going all of the way home, so I crashed at Dominique's. She had to catch a flight this morning, so I headed out with her around 7. I went to the gym for a little and got ready for acupuncture and work. I officially signed my lease and headed over to babysit.

I definitely got a lot done this week, but it wasn't necessarily related to school. I didn't write this above, but I biked to and from my hair apt down on S. Halsted. (I think it was over 6 miles each way.) Tomorrow I am going to something called a sweat lodge with some of my classmates (in Dekalb). It sounds really interesting, and I like to force myself out of my comfort zone. Honestly, I am a little freaked out though. I will be going in this small, very hot lodge, in which I have only a very small amount of space for myself. It is is meant to be a humbling process in which each person pushes theirself and their boundaries to let go, not have judgments. I'll have more details after tomorrow.

Time to study!

For She's a Jolly Good Fellow!

For anyone who follows my blog, you will be pretty surprised to see that I am posting again toady. (It usually takes me about a week or more between posts.) However, today is my Grandma's 70th Birthday, and I want to say some nice things about her on here 1) because I know she will read it but will not receive anything in the mail today and 2) because everyone should now how amazing she is.

I was born into a pretty good situation: only child of my parents and the only grandchild to my Grandma and Papa. Needless to say... I was pretty spoiled. Yet, even after the birth of my sister, my Grandparents continued to dote on us. Spending Friday nights was a win-win for all parties involved: My parents went out, while my sister and I got to spend some quality time with Grandma and Papa. Those nights often consisted of movies such as Bedknobs and Broomsticks or going to minor league baseball games. Monica and I danced and cheered on the team, but most of all, I think we loved getting all of the "baseball food": hotdogs, Cracker Jack, peanuts in the shell.. We ate everything. Saturday mornings always consisted of a delicious breakfast made by Granny: eggs, baccon, sausage, frenchtoast, whatever we wanted as Monica and I watched our Saturday morning cartoons.

Additionally, we always loved shopping with Granny. She helped helped fill my Limited Too collection back in the day. (Even now, when I go home, she likes to help me out by paying for things here and there.) Grandma and Papa were like an extra set of parents when it came to the football and basketball games I cheered for. They were always there. That applies to any important event or Awards Ceremony. Now that my Mom's in school, I think I talk to my Grandma more than I talk to my own Mom. She has always been, and continues to be, a great source of love, support and confidence. I can't imagine how different my life would be without her in it.

I love you Granny. I hope you have a wonderful birthday, and I promise to be home soon! xoxo

Babysitter of the Week

I only babysat for an hour tonight because the Dad's flight landed early, but I babysat 7:15-12:15 last night and am babysitting 1-5 and 7-? tomorrow night. I can't complain. They are all pretty easy money, and I'm not missing out on an anything too exciting (as compared to weekend babysitting).

I finished an Anatomy midterm today, which had been looming over my head for awhile. I always have a hard time remembering what I did on the weekends. Oh yeah... Now I've got it. I went into work early and got out early on Friday so that I could go to the KC's Academy Spring Awards Ceremony. It was so nice to see all of the kids and their families, and it was really great to not have to try and keep everything in order but rather to be a spectator. A few of the kids had piano solos, which literally made my heart melt. I grabbed some coffee with Dominique and studied before meeting the newly engaged Cristy and David downtown for dinner at Cheesecake Factory.

I worked out on Saturday and then met up with Dominique to go to the Arabesque Festival downtown. I realized last weekend that I had not been taking advantage of Chicago summers, so I looked up what was going on last weekend. The best parts of the festival were the food: falafel pita and mango smoothie and listening to the music. I wanted to do some shopping but neither of us were to in the mood. Nothing much seemed to he happening that night, so I rented Revolutionary Road and just relaxed. I guess I didn't really know the plot of that movie. The acting was great, but the plot was pretty depressing. I just kind of sat there after the movie ended. 

Going to sleep early allowed me to wake up early on my own Sunday morning. For the first time ever I went to Zumba  class. For those of you who do not know, this is the course description: While you feel the flavor of Brazilian and Latin dance as you salsa, meringue and cha cha your way to fitness. The moves are easy and you will feel like you have been at a dance party. Oh my gosh... I loved it!! It wasn't even like a workout. It was because I got my heart rate up, but I loved it so much. I was actually sad the class ended. I wish the class was offered more often. After the gym I came home and got ready for the Pride Parade. (It was a Dominique weekend.) The two of us met on Broadway and watched the 3 hour parade!! We discovered a brick wall that some people were sitting on, and we got up there too. For getting there so late, we had a pretty fantastic view. Three hours definitely led to some discomfort though. After being in San Francisco a couple of summers ago, Chicago was pretty tame. Even the crowd seemed so quiet to me. No one was really singing, dancing or cheering. It kind of made me sad. 

After the parade I met met up with some of my classmates at Noble Tree Cafe to study Anatomy. It's a great place to study. I can't believe today is July 1st, and this weekend is the 4th of July! :)